Water baby...

I started to walk back the life when I was alone... doing things that I have stop doing when I was alone... long time never swim in the water...

I love water... the song of water... the touch of water... the smell of water... the feel of water... that can make one forget everything when you are in it... thats my santuary... when I'm sad.. I will always want to be near the water... Sit at the beach and hear the waves... dip inside the pool to let the water embrass me in its comfort... that's where I can find my inner peace.... I want to dive in the deep ocean!~!~!~!~

My mum... something she is just not senstive to stop rubbing salt into the wound... I told her that we are just friends now... she asked: "I thought that day it was settled. Everything is okay?"... ya.. settled as friends... she asked again: "than why that night you still run out so late to bring you to see a doctor?"..... That night I lied to her that you were sick and I have to bring you to see a doctor.... That night I wanted to see you so badly.... I thought that by going over to give you a hug.. it will encourage you... it will give you strength... and at least give us a 2nd thought... give me a chance to help you and hold your hand together to walk this rough patch together with you... I thought you can give me this chance.... but you never did... I sat there and question myself... I left.... and kept on walking... wanting to walk back home... I kept thinking... kept asking myself... I tried to cry, I couldn't.... that's when I know and realise, our love has come to an end.... "真正属于ni 的爱情不会叫 ni 痛苦，爱ni 的人不会叫ni 患得患失". If you have loved me... you will not have make that decision... if your heart had me... you will never had left me there to died... likewise if you have me in your mind... you would have taken my hand...

I never meant to pressure to make any decision that day... I could have sound desprate to have you back... but having heard that you have to make decision between me and her.... that we are pressuring you to make decision... that you don't want to hurt any one of us... I should have known that I have lost half of the battle... since when she is in the picture of being hurt??.. if she wasn't in your mind... prehaps you are right... you have never change since the last relationship... within such a short period of my absent you have actually taken the easy way out... having someone to fill up.. instead of making an afford to make our relationship work... But I'm not blaming anyone... I can only blame myself.... maybe if you have been away longer for work... I will do likewise also... who knows...

Enough of said... things that is written in here will remain forgotten... a reminder... a memory stored away... I'm just too tired to deal with issue of the heart... I just do not want my mum and uncle to worry about me anymore... they quietly went to brought me a handphone... as she wanted me to return back the phone to you... althought I told them you let me have the phone for a while... prehaps she is afraid that it will make me sad..... I want to protect her from worrying about me... she always thought that its her fault that I'm always like that... guys always run away... but its not her fault... I do not want her to be sad nor worry about me ...and the only way I can do now is to tell myself never to fall again... and the safe way to do it.. is to be alone.... only than I will not fall and I will not make her sad...